you're not alone

• George, today you had a massive meltdown at lunch time because I made chicken and rice and you wanted macaroni.  I put you on your bed to see if you would calm down, but things only got louder.  After a couple minutes I went into your room to see if I could comfort you, but you wanted nothing to do with my words or hugs.  I decided to sit and just be present with you.  You continued to scream and cry and kick and hit, and I just continued to sit.  It went on and on.  I had a little cry along side you because I had no idea what you needed or how to handle it.  Let me tell you a little secret...I'm just making things up as I go here.  I wish I knew how to be a perfect mom for you, but everyday, I enter uncharted territory in our journey together.  We continued to sit together and cry.  Finally, I felt a little head leaning on my arm.  I looked down, and you looked up at me with your big tear filled eyes and said, "I'm weady to eat my wunch now."  Then you put your soft little hand in mine and we went to the kitchen and ate our lunch together.  Maybe one thing I have learned in all these years of mothering is that I don't need to fix things.  You guys are strong and capable and smart.  You'll figure things out.  Maybe all I need to do is just be present.  Just show up so you know you're not alone.  That, I can do my.  I took a selfie of us afterward so I could remind myself of this
• Katie, you used all our left over Easter chocolate and whipped up a double batch of auntie Kim's famous chocolate cookies.  You let the babies "help" you.  I was resting in my room and could hear all the excited chatter from the kitchen.  Katie, thank you for being so kind and patient with them.  We're all lucky to have you in our family
• Lila and George, you helped Katie with the clean up, then waited ever so patiently for a cookie.  So cute
• Jane, you've needed math help the last couple of nights.  Between me and dad, I'm the better choice to help you, but still, not a great choice.  Oh boy.  This old brain doesn't remember much from high school.  We found a math website that makes videos, and the guy who solves the math problems has the most soothing, pleasant voice ever.  He makes math feel safe and happy.  It's hilarious.  We totally rocked the algebra...we're a super math duo.  God Bless Sal :)